I own the emergency room

I ended up in emergency AGAIN the other night.

For some people it is turning fall, others spring, and for me …. hospital emergency season.   There were no bunnies or buds of flowers or even falling leaves, just lots and lots of people throwing up and whining about bloody boo-boos.

I tried to argue with hunny bunny that while I was happy to send my body in for repair, I was not completely sure why I had to go with it.  Neither was I happy about it.

Everyone in our local little hospital is lovely, they even offer you tea or coffee while you wait.  Compared to the nightmares of visiting the Canadian emergency ward, I should be shot for not wanting to go but the heart wants what the heart wants and my heart wanted to not go.   I wanted to not go and I wanted to complain.  There should be a rule that when you are sick you get to complain and people have to let you.   I have been in Australia now for a few years and there is so little to complain about.  I am a Canadian.  I need to passively aggressively complain.  Take that away from me and you might as well knock the Tim Horton’s coffee cup out of my hand and let me die.  You might as well drain the Maple Syrup from my veins or tell me that there will be no snowmobiling or curling this year.  There is no separating the Canadian from their complaining.  It is the air we breathe.  We need to complain … but politely … of course.

I had to wait for over an hour this time.  AN HOUR!!!!!!

They apologized to me 3 times that they had to take the woman who was having chest pains before me.   And then the guy came in by ambulance all covered with blood, from a vehicle accident and they sent out the grief counsellor to sit with me and ask if I wanted a Tim Tam.  I couldn’t eat it there until after the doctor saw me but they were willing to put it in a zip lock bag for me for later.  They even offered to let me hold the remote for the TV for awhile.

It is really hard to get mad when someone is always updating you and checking on you to see if you are ok and if you want more pain meds.  What am I supposed to do with that?  How can you not bond with someone offering you pain meds?  And then they hug you.  I can’t get mad in confined spaces.  I need room to flail my arms if I am going to swear.

Then the doctor came and she introduced herself, shook my hand and apologized  4 times for making me wait so long.  I was getting annoyed with her being that nice .  I never knew that doctors had eyes.  Usually you just sort of look up their nose as they look down at you and poke you with their pen.  She was sitting next to me with her hand on my shoulder and leaning in.  She had FREAKING eyes!!!  AND they were looking at me and not at a chart!!!  She wanted me to know that even though they were busy she had reviewed my entire file  before I came back, and had the results of my labs.

She actually had read the file.

I know because I quizzed her.

There was no doubt that if she ever made Jeopardy and there was a category “Aria E. Appleford” she would ace it.

She also apologized that the only room left was the kids room.  I told her it was fine.  In fact, I actually preferred it to the adult rooms on account of the big screen TV and all the toys.  I asked her about booking it the next time I was in.

The doctor sat with me and talked with me and examined me and then sat some more.  She asked if there was anything else I wanted to talk to her about.  It was like she had all the time in the world.  I started to get worried that maybe she really wasn’t a doctor at all and that the psyche ward was just around the corner and a patient had escaped.  I have never had a doctor all to myself, I didn’t know what to say.  One of us was making little whimpering sounds.  I think it might have been me.

She gave me a script for more drugs and told me to come back right away if I needed to.  I didn’t want to go but she said I should stop hugging her and probably go home and get some rest.  She walked me out and waved goodbye.

I am really going to miss that emergency ward.

It was probably one of the best times I have had in a long time.