nature cops

After the drama of this morning Alexandria and I are going to become Nature Cops.

We are going to sew uniforms and get taser guns.

We will save the birds and the lizards and anything cute and furry.  She will handle snakes and I will wave at her from under my bed while she does.  Neither one of us really care about the spiders.  They can fend for themselves.

This morning a bird hit the window hard and fell into the pool.  It’s mate flapped and carried on and it was drowning until it found a noodle Alexandria left in the pool that it could lift it’s head on which not only saved the bird but also saved Alexandria from getting a stern lecture about putting away the pool toys.  Isn’t it magical when things work out like that?

Anyway I immediately began the emergency response.  That is where I start dancing on the spot and screaming for hunny bunny to come quick.  He went out and got the pool net thingy and scooped the bird out gently and took it to a safe shaded spot by the tree and fence and talked sweetly to it.  He is like a bird whisperer only I don’t think he knows how to whisper.  He just talks loud and louder.    I was waving my hands like a little bird and crying while I slowed to a jog on the spot.  We left it alone for awhile, watching it.  I was a little miffed that it’s mate left her even though hunny bunny said he would be watching somewhere from a tree.  Ya like that is helpful.  Kind of like hubby being with you in emergency except you are in the bed and he is out in the car in the parking lot listening to the football game.  I think the male should have been there encouraging her and comforting her.  But then Alexandria said the injured bird was probably a male because no female would be so stupid as to fly into a window .. and of course she was right.   I felt much better about the woman being in the tree watching because of course hers would be a better reason.   After quite awhile the bird slowly  regained its senses and was able to fly off.  I was in tears and running on the spot again.  It was a miracle.  We are bird savers.  We are heroes.

Capes and leotards just magically appeared and bullets were bouncing off my chest.

Then, as I scanned the distance with the binoculars, in my new uniform, taser gun strapped on my thigh, I noticed a furry something lying in the paddock.  I dispatched the team – Alexandria and her Poppi  to go and find out what it was.  He is MY hunny bunny and HER poppi.   It was a dead bunny.  I could not get over the irony of MY hunny bunny responding to a dead bunny and thought, “there but for the grace of god, he goes …”   The head was gone.  Alexandria returned to home base to report and Poppi picked it up and threw it into the bush.   Neither one of us do ickky.

We investigated and found the scene of the crime to be under the mulberry tree … the trail of fur and fluff lead to the lower paddock.  We did not need 48 hours.  The answer was instantly obvious …  because hunny bunny said it.  It was probably wild dogs.

We will have to put up some “no wild dogs allowed” posters and do some public service announcements on bunny safety.  “Friends do not let other bunny friends hop alone across the moonlit yard.”  I will go out with a megaphone and some bunny puppets later this afternoon.  We are all about prevention.

We have an anti-cat campaign too.  It involves the taser guns.

I figure we can use the tasers on the cats that kill the little birds for sport.  You know, “get on the ground and stop resisting arrest or we will taser you!”  And then we shoot them anyway.    I will tag the taser – “if found please return to nature cops – the taser NOT the cat” That way people might learn to keep their cats in and they will learn that we mean business.    If the owners don’t co-operate we can taser them too.

I think I am heady with power.

Tasers will do that to you.

BUT we need to do it for the neighbourhood.  The neighbours now have cats AND chickens.  My daughter says it is like living next door to “Little House on the Outback” and that maybe Alexandria and I can braid each other’s hair and run down the hill through the daisies and the snakes, dodging the cows and the kangaroos.   We need to find a cow that looks like Michael Landon.  Of course we would braid Poppi’s hair too … we don’t leave him out.  I do think he could pull off Nellie Oleson really well.

I am already sewing the costumes.  Who knew being a grammy could be so much dang fun??

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