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I went to some lovely Botanical Gardens the other day and took the grand children for a nature walk to explore.  Their mother decided to attend with us so off we went planning on a great adventure.   Among the beautiful flowers and plants were delightful art pieces with whimsy and colour, unexpected lagoons …. and 50 million screaming flying foxes.

Oh wait, 50 million screaming flying foxes AND their feces all over the place.  They were everywhere we looked.  Their guano was dripping off of the trees, signs, plants … and covered the foot path.  Despite the fact their guano is supposedly easily cleaned up with water, apparently the position of flying fox guano remover was currently still open, and had been for some time.  Protection agencies like to tell you that the whole story about guano taking the paint off houses and cars is just a “myth.”  They cover that with blaming the paint if someone has proof.  The bottom line, you are never ever going to win the argument.

No outrage is allowed for the people who slaved for years to present a work of love and beauty, or for the people who want to attend a beautiful park on a lazy Sunday afternoon, the flying foxes are protected.  It doesn’t matter that  they take over wherever they go and destroy everything with their guano.
In the words of the children, “oooooh!”  and, “they stink.”   The guano was not the only reason for the stink.  They also like to mark their territory with their own distinct gland secretions, used to attract females, and the young have their own unique odors that attracts their moms.  In other words 50 bazillion different stinky odors all blending with the guano.  “Yes children they DO stink.”   My ears were bleeding from the noise as we had no choice but to walk under the trees where dozens of them squirmed and writhed.  We tried to choose pathways leading away but soon found ourselves in flying fox hell with each path leading us further into the darkness.
The children’s mother told me “don’t let them touch you because they carry some serious diseases.”
Ok, on what planet do I look like I would let any of them close enough to “touch me?”
I asked her, “well they avoid people don’t they?”   I think I was whimpering a bit, I didn’t even care if it frightened the children.
“Oh mainly ya, but sometimes they fly and get stuck in long hair.”
I grabbed my hair flying in the wind and pinned it up with spit and dirt and wooden twigs I found on the ground.  I jammed the twigs into my head and hoped they could not smell blood.
I could read.  They had huge signs everywhere stating if you come into contact with them you could die of a couple of deadly diseases but hey look, aren’t they cute, don’t you want to cuddle them?  Please refrain from doing so.  I tried to picture in my head of a sane person running to cuddle them but having to be restrained.  I tried to picture them in my mind between the baby bunnies and the baby puppies, all cute and cuddly but that ended with the foxes flying off screeching with laughter leaving the ground littered with fuzzy little lifeless bodies.
I “refrained” quite easily.
But then I did more.
I ran.
There is simply not enough fuzzy to compensate for the naked skinned wings …. (not sure how I am typing this when my whole body is shuddering.)
This is the insanity of the world we are living in.  Let the disease ridden animals take over and protect them at all costs.  Let the humans die.
I am not going down without a fight.  I will fight the animals for my right to live and breathe and smell botanical flowers.  I am not afraid of scary animals.
I am pretty confident I can take a fluffy bunny … or maybe a kitty.
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