knock knock

Don’t you love it when you are bored out of your gourd and just when you think there is absolutely nothing going to happen, there is a knock at the door and it is unexpected guests?  I mean there is all that anticipation of wondering who it is when you go to the door – did you forget you ordered something?  Did someone send you flowers?  Have the children finally come out of their comas, remembered where you live and have come for a visit?  Sooo many possibilities.  And then you open the door and it is those cute little people that show up to tell you that Jesus loves you or that you are going to hell if you don’t love Jesus, here have a magazine and  give them money.

The hell predictors are like the emergency warning system for bad weather except they have more wrinkles usually, speak in a sterner voice and aren’t very helpful with what you are supposed to do with the information, once they tell you.

“YOU ARE GOING TO HELL.”

” That is all.”

“Have a nice day.”

Today, this really cute little old man and lady came by and I was so excited to have some play mates.  Isn’t that nice that they drive up in a whole van load of them and they get out and go knocking on the doors until someone lets them in?  Except no-one usually does and so they can be lost for days in one neighbourhood, getting tangled up in the laundry, lost in the back corner or the fence between the rose bushes  . . . or even end up standing outside your bedroom window attracted to the light late at night.  Talk about Jesus in action, taking church out into the neighbourhood and making a difference in your communities.

They always end up back in the van at some point which is really an effective demonstration of how Jesus cares, and gathers his flock home.   We had Scouts that got let off in the neighbourhood one Saturday to sell chocolates and some of them got lost and were never seen again.  Jesus did not collect them.  Come to think of it, none of their parents ever came looking for them either.  There has to be families in the neighbourhood raising random Boy Scouts and they don’t even realize.

Anyway, John and Alice were already saying “thank you, have a nice day,” and walking off before I even got out, “yes, of course I would love to hear your special message, won’t you come in?”  I had to run after them and bellow.  I only bellow when the situation merits it.  On the prairies, raised by grandparents, you learn manners.  No random bellowing . . . EVER!.

I bellowed.  “John.  Alice.  THIS is your lucky day.  Come onnnnnnnn down!”

They stopped, turned, looked at me, looked at each other, and got their walkers all tangled up in each other trying to get back to the door.  John won.  He gave Alice a wicked elbow and she ended up in the gutter, picking the gravel out of her teeth.  I am pretty sure there was a Jesus competition going on and the prize must have been something awesome like a cross stitched book marker with a bible verse on it.

I asked John if he needed me to sign anything to verify he made it through the door first.   I hate it when book markers go unclaimed and you can’t help but think that there is a winner somewhere crying because he forgot what page he was on in Thessalonians.   He shook his head and I felt like such a idiot.  Of course God already knew he won.

Once we got all settled John began, “Our message today is that Jesus loves you.”

“SHUT UP!!  Are you serious?  No!  No he doesn’t.  Really?”  I was gobsmacked.

Alice was nodding.   “Yes, Jesus loves you.”

“Does the bible tell you so?”

They were both nodding.

“No serious, how do you know?  What did he say about me?”

“No, Jesus didn’t talk about you.  He didn’t say your name or anything.  Jesus doesn’t talk like that.  He just loves everyone.”  Alice was beaming … like a sunbeam.

“Have you seen him … ever?”

“Well no but . . . ”

“So that leaves out sign language or charades …the truth is you have no idea about anything Jesus thinks about me.  “This is not a “hey Aria, you are special” kind of message.  This is “hey Aria, you are just the same as everyone else, no big whoop kind of message.   Like Jesus loves you.  Big deal.  It doesn’t matter whether it is Aria standing here, Bob, ted or Alice … does it, because Jesus isn’t real.  You could say anything you want.”

I was feeling pretty disheartened.  I actually considered slapping the cookies out of their hands and suing them for making me more depressed.

“No, it IS a big deal.   Jesus loves YOU and you should know.  Everyone should know how much Jesus loves them.”

“Why?  Does knowing get me some special prize?  Does he only help those who know he loves them?”

“Of course not, he loves everyone the same.”

So Jesus loved me yesterday even though I did not know, and he loves me today now that I do know, but it is all the same.  He doesn’t love me more today than yesterday?”  But not as much as tomorrow?”

“Exactly.”

“Well yesterday sucked.  So does today actually.  So you are basically here today to tell me that my life sucking is exactly what Jesus wants for me because he loves me and there is nothing I can do about it?  Does this actually work for you?  Or for Jesus for that matter?  I mean normally  a good sales pitch is, sign up with us and you get 2 extra movies a month, or here have a tablet, or a set of steak knives, or something.  You guys are trying to sell, life sucks, you suck, and that is what you get and hey Jesus loves you?  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?”

John was pretty sure he could hear the van honking for them and he got up to help Alice out.

I  asked if I could have some of their literature or something.  I wanted to give them my name and find out what time they had service but we were right in the middle of a miracle and  there was no time.  People lose their minds when miracles happen.  I rose from my chair to see what was the matter when what to wondering eyes should appear . . . Alice and John were about to disappear.   Alice and John had ditched their walkers in the rose bushes and were running, unaided, for the van that was already pulling away from the curb when they hurled themselves into the open door and everyone sped out of sight.

I know that people don’t believe in miracles anymore but there was a miracle on my street, in my yard, today … because Jesus loves me.  John and Alice told me so.

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