ALLFK Uncle Andrew

This is your Uncle Andrew. He is famous.

The phrase “hung out to dry” came from him. Wikipedia does not fully understand what it was like to have Uncle Andrew in the family. We did not “abandon him when he was in danger or in need of help.” That may be what other people mean when they “hang someone out to dry,” but I have already taught you that other people don’t know anything.

We were helping him.

That there is compassion in action. NOT abandonment.

We hung him out and hosed him off because he used bacon grease to try and make war paint. He was never good at colouring in the lines and he basically painted his entire upper body with the stuff. The dogs were trying to eat him. So we hung him up for his own protection because Uncle Andrew was a little shit. In addition to the dogs who were trying to eat him, several of the adults wanted to demonstrate corporal punishment techniques and the neighbourhood children had taken out a hit list against him. Some kittens had mobbed together because they were sick of him trying to set them on fire. They wanted to punch him.

We were bully proofing him by putting him out of reach.

Sometimes your parents may “hang you out to dry.”  It will be for your own protection. You should thank them. Your Uncle Andrew is still alive because we cared.  You should be so lucky as to survive your childhood.

People make a big deal about this like we were bad parents. Notice that if you leave a kid by the side of the road, meaning someone really abandons him, no-one comes up with some nifty little saying to torture you with for eternity. We hung Uncle Andrew out to dry and now it is used as the poster phrase for abandoning someone in need of help. Boo hoo.  They don’t even ask you what happened to Little Brian. BTW you had another uncle named Brian too. Don’t really know what ever happened to him. We lost sight of him in the dust as we sped away.