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Life On The Naughty Chair

I'm the reason they started prayers in school. I'm also the proof that prayer is not enough.

Month

July 2016

When Childhood Experiences Traumatize You For Life.

childhood

My childhood was pretty brutal. We learned hard lessons in unspeakable ways. You might want to get out the hanky now, this is yet another sad sad tale.

Wandering around the prairies as kids, trying to find something to do, I mean after we had exhausted looking at the cows and weaving wheat, making pictures with wheat, chewing the wheat, smoking the wheat, rearranging the cows . . . it was tough to find things to do.

So we wandered. We reeeeaaaallly wandered. . . as far as our little legs would take us in a given day.

And we would find awesome, abandoned buildings. Some were just granaries out in the middles of the field with some old grain, a dead mouse and/or bird somewhere inside that we pretended were dead cowboys and we immediately morphed in The Lawman, or the Lone Ranger and Tonto.  We whipped out our imaginations from our back pockets and went wild.  Sometimes we pronounce the old building a fort, sometimes a castle. The acoustics in those old granaries was awesome so they were, of course, some kind of stage and I made my brother tie his coat around his hips into a type of saloon girl special and we would can can the day away.

Surprisingly, we also found old houses in various states of left-overness. Some had furniture and odds and ends. Some were falling down and some housed other animals that had moved in. We had great fun with those. Continue reading “When Childhood Experiences Traumatize You For Life.”

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The Food Group Lady Died.

cinnamon buns with love

Cinnamon buns are a food group.

Evidently the food group monitor died about 30 years ago and no-one noticed and so I coloured and bedazzled myself a nifty name tag proclaiming me the “Food Group Monitor of the World” and I felt it was time to discover a new group.   Cinnamon buns … part of a healthy diet. Well not a “diet diet” like a “losing weight diet,” but a diet as in “you eat it so it is part of your diet.”  Feel free to direct any questions to me.

I made some a couple weekends ago and everyone was eating them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. They were telling me they were eating a balanced diet because they had one in each hand and a lot of the time they would drink milk with them. Some people were drinking coffee and well, they are going to die toothless, with weak bones and bags under their eyes because of their lack of sleep so you can’t blame that one on the cinnamon bun. At least they will be awake when they die which means they have a better chance of passing the “get into heaven test” . . . and that will just be one more blessing of my cinnamon buns.

Everyone went crazy over my buns. One of my friends said it was like they were coated with heroin or something, she just could not stop eating them. Continue reading “The Food Group Lady Died.”

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