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Life On The Naughty Chair

I'm the reason they started prayers in school. I'm also the proof that prayer is not enough.

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Cooking Crafts and Fashion

Deconstructed Fashion for Walmart Shoppers. Outfit #332

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Who doesn’t understand the concept of a power suit?  Everyone else shows up in whatever was under the bed when they rolled out of it and lay there on the floor debating whether they could fake another bout with the Bubonic Plague and surrendered to “not a chance in hell.”  That’s right, they are all wearing wrinkled shirts, pants with 3 or more stains on them, and someone’s shoes who as there are the party that weekend and may still be sleeping in the bathtub.

And then you show up in a suit, pressed, and plugged in.  POWER.

It isn’t just any suit either.  People get electrocuted if they even try to touch you and if somehow they manage to get past that, the razor wire craftily sewn into the seam bindings will slice them like butter.  You are untouchable!!

This one uses red in its “take me seriously or you will die” pattern.  Everyone knows that red is a power colour and that butterflies, while appearing to flutter gently, are actually trained killer ninja bugs.  You walk into the room in this and no-one stands a chance.  They immediately fire everyone in bigger offices and make you “God” of the office.  People fetch you coffee before you even know you want coffee.  They drink it for you and act peppy, if you don’t want it.  Other people fetch your dry cleaning, even if it is under other people’s beds and someone buffs your shoes, even if they are on someone else’s feet who put them on after their party.  Then they kill them for touching your things.

This model kills the look by wearing baby doll, mary jane, doesn’t-matter-what-you-call-them-only-little-girls-wear-these shoes.  It is a final “in your face” that says you are so powerful you don’t care that other people are going to laugh and call you names.  You will have someone kill them too.  You will even kill Mary Jane if she wakes up in your bathtub while you are at work and wants her shoes back.

I would type more but my back hurts from being on the floor typing this, bowing to the power of this look.  You should buy it and rule the world.  Start saving.

 

 

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Deconstructed Fashion for Walmart Shoppers. Outfit #271

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I am not saying that I don’t have compassion for this model and the fact that she was attacked by a herd of pheasants on the way to the fashion shoot but I don’t think she is “Shmizing” with her eyes like Tyra says models should and making “duck lips” only draws attention to the dead pheasant on her head.  The only positive thing I can say about this whole presentation is that it appears she nailed her pose … I think those are nails in her boots.  Also, I think Models should be more appreciative of the fact they are making all kinds of money just to not eat and then stand there.  Of course, it is possible that her grandma showed up and is in the audience and has once again taken out her teeth and removed her bra and that look is just an “are you freaking kidding me?  Not again.  I am really sick to death of grandma and her damn shenanigans.”   If that is the case, I would apologize – providing someone can supply me with pictures as proof, and the judge says it is either apologize or jail.  I will not die for fashion.  I like to eat too much.

Christmas Crap

Myrrhadee Christmas

Gather around Chick and Stud-lets, have I got a Christmas load for you! And just in time for the big day. Is it just me or have we all spent far too may days to count, wandering the grounds of those gated homes, avoiding the guard dogs and the worrisome big guy with the gun, our little noses pressed up against the window, staring in at a lifestyle that we can only dream of? Isn’t it always worse at Christmas time?

I bet you have often thought, in despair, I can never ever have a Christmas like that, why the hell couldn’t mommy and daddy have just waited until after the rich people had sex so that I had a chance to be born to a much better life?  And how many of us never bought mommy or daddy another Christmas gift, and then had to go to lots of therapy with meds that just distracted you with a bunch of imaginary friends, one of them a clown who kept trying to get you to do bad things?

Put the pill bottle down. I can make your dream Christmas come true. Look what I have found and am willing to share with you. Continue reading “Christmas Crap”

Craft Time. Aria Does Sex and Fashion.

nailed it burlap

I went to a luncheon with a friend. The speaker wanted us women to all know how to put the spice back in our marriage.

I couldn’t figure out where the men were.

Could she not see the choir robes all the women were wearing??

Anyway she gave us a bunch of instructions, I couldn’t hear most of what she said. It is not her fault, it is what happens when I slip in an ear bud in my ear and turn up the music really loud. I did have to listen at the very end, mainly because my phone went dead and sticking my fingers in my ears was not an option. I tried. The woman next to me made a motion with her finger across her neck and kicked me under the table . . . that was what made it clear it was not an option.

The speaker had a bunch of scenerio’s on the screen and we had to promise to pick one suggestion and try it at home for our husbands. She promised we would see the difference. I was disappointed that there was not some kind of penalty gift offered if she failed because I find that is helpful in keeping people from making empty promises. Like when you mom tells you she promised it isn’t going to hurt when you get your shot, and it does . . . I think she should have had to give me a pony. That way she stops telling me stupid things. The stuff the lady wanted us to try sounded stupid. Continue reading “Craft Time. Aria Does Sex and Fashion.”

Custard Apples and the Google Conspiracy to Limit Your Life Experience

custard apple

Time for your annual fruit and veggie update brought to you by a Canadian who used to live on a farm now living in Australia with a man who used to have a farm. We may be farm-less but we have years of wisdom between us.

Attention.

THIS is a custard apple:  Note its un-apple like appearance.  That is because it is not an apple.

THIS is information about a custard apple from a farmer currently in possession of a farm.

The Weekend Edition  (you can read it even if it is not the weekend, just another example of people not saying what they mean)
“Custard Apple Recipes” is not a search request for some other apple hollowed out and filled with some form of prepared or wanna be custard. Neither is it a cake or some other dessert containing custard or apples. It is certainly NOT an apple anything with custard poured over it. It is a recipe using custard apples. Please don’t try to interpret my words for me, listen to what I am saying. Continue reading “Custard Apples and the Google Conspiracy to Limit Your Life Experience”

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