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Life On The Naughty Chair

I'm the reason they started prayers in school. I'm also the proof that prayer is not enough.

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my incredibly insightful observations

The Reason for the Season And Why You Thought I Died.

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I escaped over the past few months. I slipped off the restraints and ran naked into the night.

Ok that sounds a lot more poetic than it actually was. I packed and drove to the airport. Then I came back, only I had a bunch of shit to do and ya … Christmas . . .

Anyway I am sure many of you are lying on your death beds waiting for some word that I have returned so consider yourself worded. I have returned.

Running away used to be fun. First there was that panic in the adults voice if you disappeared because they were still so sleep deprived and possibly on post natal drugs, that they believed you were some angelic being that transformed their life into little shimmering lights of meaning. Of course I am talking pre-teething and pre-two-year-old. Continue reading “The Reason for the Season And Why You Thought I Died.”

The Etiquette of Public Hugging by a Survivor

Hugorama

Don’t you think that “huggers” should adhere to some kind of hugger etiquette or that they should, at least, be policed in some form?

I find it awkward to stand around in a large group when a new person is introduced who happens to be a “hugger.”  You know exactly what I am talking about.  They show up, know no-one and presume it is alright to greet everyone with a hug.  First of all how do they know there aren’t committed huggers in the group who don’t adhere to open hugging?  How do they know anyone is open to hugging and that they are not some tour group out for the day from the institution where they are all being treated for a high startle response to human contact?  I mean someone could end up dead here.

And when you are the new person and clearly everyone hugs, how does it go?   Do you hug the ones you know best first? The host? Family? The people you like most? And what about skipping over someone and coming back to them? Like what is all that about? And how does one address a hugger who has clearly passed you over and comes back to you like they purposely left you for last?  Does it mean something bad or something good that you might actually consider bad, but they think it is a good?  And if you refuse the hug will you end up offending everyone . . . or again, dead? Continue reading “The Etiquette of Public Hugging by a Survivor”

I May Die.

freezing

This is me. A Canadian, freezing in Australia.

Canadians are laughing at me. How can I possibly be cold right? Lucky me living in Australia.

I grew up on the prairies in Alberta. We went sometimes for a couple of weeks in winter without any power, completely snowed in. We only had a generator to turn on for a few hours each day to cook, to heat the house a little. We went to bed with the water turned on so the pipes would not freeze up. We even had to cover all the windows and underneath the doors and stay in one room to stay warm one really bad winter. Continue reading “I May Die.”

Uncle Joel

Prayers, Green Bean Casseroles, Social Media and Evolution

3 bean

There  we sat, dinner was finally on the table, all the family gathered around at Easter/Christmas/Thanksgiving/4-H Steer of the Year/Grandma cured her hemorrhoids/ whatever  . . .  with all my favourite dishes set out on the table.  We could not wait to dig in.  My mouth was watering, my brother was drooling more than normal, and grandma already had her teeth in and ready to go.

And then someone would say, “Wait, Wait!  We have to say grace!”

And several people would smile but their legs would kick out underneath the table in the general direction of the person who spoke. Continue reading “Prayers, Green Bean Casseroles, Social Media and Evolution”

Canadian Melders. We Are Everywhere.

canadian eh

You know it is cool to watch everyone hanging in their groups .. groups by country, groups by language, groups by sexual preference, groups by fast food preferences .. and then there are the Canadians!   We just sort of hang with everyone … melding, mixing …. yup that is us .. “The Canadian Melders.” We have uniforms and everything … mounty jodphers, beaver hats, hudson bay blanket scarves, cable knit sweaters with a moose head on it, maple leaf underwear and muk luks. The secret team handshake is a non hand shake – that is the secret – it is a head nod and “eh?”

You will see us everywhere hanging on the periphery, in fact, some of you have probably asked,“hey isn’t that a Canadian over there, hanging … on the .. um … periphery?” And your friend probably said, “No … that’s actually Grandma …. don’t know any “Periphery.” Grandma’s name is “Doris.””  Continue reading “Canadian Melders. We Are Everywhere.”

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