Search

Life On The Naughty Chair

I'm the reason they started prayers in school. I'm also the proof that prayer is not enough.

Without Eyebrows We Could Die.

books of mass destruction

My brother read in an encyclopedia that our eyebrows are important because they, along with our eyelashes, help to keep dirt out of our eyes. He theorized that if dirt got into our eyes, we could get an infection that could get into our brain and we could die.

Please don’t ask me to explain the mind of a 9-year-old boy.

I was the victim of the crime. He lured me into the forest to, “see the nest of baby birds” he had found, tied me up to a tree and shaved off my eyebrows. He probably would have plucked out my eyelashes but I had good teeth and managed to gnaw one of the ropes off and gave him a black eye.

BTW, I am the one that got in trouble because “a punch could have caused real damage” and my eyebrows would grow back.

Why was it common practice for people to buy entire sets of encyclopaedias for their kids and never even check them out to make sure what kind of information they contained? They could have contained porn, or the complete guide to being a serial killer and they would never have known. They just unpacked the books and proudly put them in alphabetical order in the bookcase and said,”Here kids, go get educated.” How irresponsible is that? My brother used the information contained in our set of encyclopaedias to try and kill me. I just want to know where the parental security measures were then? Passwords? Lockdowns? I wonder how many children died because we spent hours reading those things without any parental supervision? Paedophiles could have left their names and numbers to become our pen pals and how would anyone have known? Continue reading “Without Eyebrows We Could Die.”

Advertisements

Daily Snork

get dressed

bedtime

life lessons

Daily Snork

bathroom break

 

4ca24a94ac56ee0b4eebf3f8d91954a5

 

artists

Daily Snork

parents

 

3-stages

 

russians

Daily Snork

loving-so-much

 

call-the-cops

 

girls-like-guys

Daily Snork

prescription

 

boredom

 

irony

Daily Snork

introverts

 

parking-spot

 

my-therapist

I Just Wanna Pee!!

pee

How come men will never stop the car to let you go to the bathroom?

Negotiating pee breaks is like negotiating world peace. Utmost diplomacy must be used and proper wording is crucial. There must be ceremony and goodwill fostered – gifts exchanged – before the two parties sit down at the negotiating table.  Big things are at stake here.

“Are you planning on stopping for gas soon?”
“No.”
“Um OK.    “Hungry?”
“No.”
“How far to the next town?”
“8000 km.”
“I could use a washroom, you know,  when it is convenient to stop.” I smile hopefully.
DEAD SILENCE.
I try again, “You know, like if you happen to see a rest stop along the way and it is easy to pull off … I am not desperate yet or anything, I am just trying to give you good notice that I will need to stop in the next hour ok?”
“Ya sure, we can see …”

I have considered just saying “OK.”

…and peeing on the front seat … Continue reading “I Just Wanna Pee!!”

Daily Snork

apologizing

laundry

sons-chocolate

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑